Thoughts on Turning 40
Today, is April 24, 2017….which makes today the day I turn the big 4 0, and honestly I have mixed emotions on the whole thing. Some people tell me that 40’s are the best part of their life. Some people dread it more than me, and chase the fountain of youth even more diligently. Me? I can’t decide if I am excited and thrilled to see what’s next or if I am sad and mourning that it’s all downhill from here. Honestly neither is probably how things “really” are, but that is how I feel, with any and all other emotions thrown in for good measure, so I guess that makes it real to me. Am I making too big a deal about it? Perhaps. It’s how I’m feeling though, and that’s OK, not every birthday can be all unicorns and rainbows, the only thing to do is remind your self that each day is a gift and some people don’t get the chance to get older (or be privileged enough to complain about it). Mostly it’s a bit disconcerting to not be able to quite put my finger on what exactly I am having an issue with, however since I can’t seem to figure that out, I can decide what to do about it. What am I going to do about it? Not exactly sure, but I am going to start by listing out the biggest thoughts and concerns that I am having and make some goals to try and combat the way those thoughts make me feel.
What Have I accomplished
“I haven’t done anything, where did all the time go”
This one..this one I feel is kind of common. Many people question their goals and accomplishments, some of them more often than others. I remember feeling like this at 30 too, not as much but it was there. Reminder to myself. I have in fact done some amazing things. I met and married an amazing man, whom I have great regards for and we have built a pretty good life. I gave birth and am raising a child, who is turning out to be a good person and for that I am extremely grateful and happy. Traveling, check I may not have been too all the places I want to go, but I got some of my most wished for locales crossed off the ol bucket list. I have a good job, with people I enjoy and don’t dread going to work like so many others. I am healthy and happy and have an active life. There is still plenty of time for me to accomplish more if I desire it, there are many examples of people who didn’t write or act or whatever until they were 40 or older, for instance Laura Ingalls Wilder, Stan Lee, Vera Wang and Morgan Freeman. Also I ran my first 5k yesterday.. the day before I turned 40, so there’s that too!
“My creativity seems to have stagnated. Ugh I want to create something..nothing ever turns out how I want it too.”
ahh this one, well this one is still a struggle, I know it’s because I want things to be perfect, but part of being creative is not always perfect. Need to remember let my imagination play. Stop comparing my creativity against others. It’s ok for projects, stories and photo’s to not be perfect, sometimes that is what makes them perfect. Currently I am having fun, trying to figure Instagram and improve my book photos there. Imagination is the best gift anyone can give themselves, because in turn it gives something to the world. Just gotta get out there and imagine, play and create.
Does this mean I’m old now
“Ugh, I’m old now, OK well not really because 40’s not that old, but yuck 20 years old could be my kid hell 22 and 24 year old are old/young enough to be my kids…my own kid turns 17 this year. OK get it together you are in the best shape of your life, you workout go to skyfit, your running a damn 5k the day before your birthday, I feel like I’m still 20 something.”
Yes these are the inner words that have been running through my head at a near constant basis, getting more and more persistent the closer I get. Logically I know that 40 is not really that old,certainly not in these modern times. I’ve just spent the last year losing 145lbs and working out, which has brought me tons of energy to get out and do stuff, and I feel great. I still go out and have fun, laugh, be silly and playful. Why I am so hung up on this number, I wonder? I didn’t have a problem with any of the “other” big birthdays, enjoyed them to the fullest. The goal here is to just keep reminding myself that age is just a number, your as young as you feel. Growing old is a privileged denied to many and I just need to keep telling myself that, and keep on doing all my fun activities. After all this is what I was working towards when I lost all the weight that was keeping me from being active and enjoying things. So buckle up buttercup 40 is here ready or not and I’m about to make it the best year ever!
I have spent far too much of my life, having negative thoughts or attitude towards myself and others. That stops now, I don’t want to be a grumpy old lady, I want to be a vibrant full of life, purple haired old lady and even though I may have a ways to go before I’m technically an old lady. There is no time like the present to start. So raise a glass and toast to the next 40 plus years! Have you ever had difficulty with getting older? What did you do to combat the issue?